if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
