I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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