Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
