Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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