Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
