it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
