I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
