I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
