I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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