This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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