mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
