Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
