so explain again why im purple
no
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
