I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
