no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She announced her abortion via fbk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
