I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she told me i tasted like america
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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