Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
