I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
