Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize