Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
