You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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