just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I love having hate sex.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
