I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
