You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
