I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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