That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
