loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
