Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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