Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
