I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I will pee on everything he values.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize