Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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