I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
