There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
