You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
