yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
