do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
