do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
