I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
operation have a gay friend backfired
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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