I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
