but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
