Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
