Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
