i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
