it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
