I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
