Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
