I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
