Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
