I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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