May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
