She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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