When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
