Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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