he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
