You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
