dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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