So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
