its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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