I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
