Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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