Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
