Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize