im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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