I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Im part way to drunk.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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