mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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