Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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