Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
