Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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