you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
