dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
