DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
