but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
