Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize