Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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