just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
