WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
