I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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