dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
