I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize