So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
