Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
