Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
