During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
