My Higher Power is John Stamos
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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