You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
