I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize