My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he's gonorrhea incarnate
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
