Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
