saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
