i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize