we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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