I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
