Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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