I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
