when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
