My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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