woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
