I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
