like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
